Tuesday, February 10, 2009

A Little Fun

If you're here for the David-debacle update, skip down a post.

Just a quick bit of fun:

Five years ago, in the genre's heyday, about 85% of the manuscripts I received for evaluations landed squarely in the Chick Lit category. In the past few months, I've received an inordinate number of manuscripts about one of the following subjects:

(1) Teenagers with some sort of paranormal powers

or

(2) Ex-CIA operatives saving the world from big bad oil companies (or other eco-terrorists)

Both are perennial favorites, and, like everything else, they go through cycles of popularity. But that's not what this post is about.

I want to read a query for a book in which all those Manolo Blahnik-wearing socialites turn into lusty vampires and save the polar bears from extinction.

Put your entries in the comments section - assuming I get a few (really, how could this not be the most fun writing exercise you'll do all week?) - I'll pick a favorite, and the winner gets a free query/synopsis evaluation or a copy of one of my clients' just-released books, paid for by me (see the sidebar for options).

UPDATE: Third prize option: I'll preorder you a copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem! due out on April 15.

4 comments:

  1. I will assume this doesn't have to be for a real book, so here she goes...

    From the minute Erika Evans steps off the five-seater and into the twilight of three p.m. outside of Nome, she knows her current assignment is going to suck. In minutes, her fingers are icicles, and her gold-plated Jimmy Choo boot heels are covered in muck she doesn't even want to consider the origin of. Such is the life of a high-profile environmental lobbyist.

    Yeah, life sucked, all right, but not as much as it was about to. When Mr. Right Now turns out to be a creature of the near-perpetual night above the Arctic Circle, Erika gets a crash course in wildlife preservation, namely saving her own sunlight-sensitive hide.

    Of course, being a vampiress with a cause isn't a bad thing. The poachers won't see her coming, and being able to fly means no unnameable muck on her favorite boots. Living off human blood isn't so bad, when you get to take the scum of the Earth down with impunity.

    And the other benes aren't bad either, like the fact that being a vampiress makes her irresistible to men...

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  2. Patricia Emmert10/2/09 12:15

    (Hopefully, I'm doing this correctly--I'm not the biggest tech head in the world.)

    Dear Ms. Murdock,

    In my current work, "Suck It Up", Head Honcho of "We'll Save Ya'" an environmental cleanup corporation Janelle Deidrikson discovers she has become a blood thirsty vampire as a result of an indiscreet one night stand.

    After months of soul searching (and sucking), she discovers that her supposed one-time indiscretion in actuality was set up by a cabal of other 'environmental' executives who have also become vampires. In order to secure her loyalty to their somewhat hypocritcal stance on vegetarianism they dispatched their most romantic minion, Constantine Renwick, to seduce and contaminate her. She is now part of their unholy alliance.

    They need not have bothered with the secrecy. Janelle can neither forget her night with Constantine nor hide in the dark, metaphorically speaking, the fact that they all must become butchers to survive.

    Adding to the problem is a fanatical vegen who has discovered Constantine and his 'occupation' of blood letting and is determined to both bring the handsome vamp to the light and destroy him, literally.

    Janelle races time and technology in order to save her paramour,her friends, and herself while also saving the natural health of the planet.

    At last, she stumbles on a "just crackpot enough to work" plan to re-freeze the polar ice floes giving back the natural habitat of polar bears.

    "Besides," she at last tells the vampire club and Constantine at a clandestine meeting, "We have to have someplace cold to stash those pints!"

    Thanks for your time.

    Patricia

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  3. "If I have to subsist in this god forsaken place, I want a full length coat made from the one animal that has no problem staying warm and dry."

    "Mother!!!! That is the last of the polar bears. You kill it and I won't be able to protect this beautiful skin or Gucchi Pants."

    With that reprimand, Alice reverted to her natural vampiric self. She knew if anyone could save these majestic beasts, it would be her. Dressed in her most provocative 5th Ave creation, she underwent her transformation.

    In 15 chapters, watch as the great Northern Save the bears campaign gets under way. Leaving a trail of human blood, Alice gets her way, or does she? Watch the startling conclusion and see how the bears themselves react.

    In only 482 pages, not only does Alice transform but so does the entire northern hemisphere. Are you prepared to be amazed? Published by youain'tseennutin books and sold in every cheap bar around, pick up your own copy of Alice takes a bite out of the North.

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  4. Very fun exercise!!! Never ever thought I'd write about vampires! Here goes;

    Penny peeled herself out of bed after three days of what had felt like a coma. One look in the mirror told her that her hunch was true. No wonder Mr. Right had seemed more appealing than any other man alive. He wasn’t, nor was she anymore.

    In Penny’s attempt to get in touch with her inner vampire she perused the historic library in town for weeks. She couldn’t handle all of the baloney websites that came up when searching the internet. Her Gucci heels clicked in such a distinct pace as she made her way through the silent library that she became known as a regular. Obviously she had to tell them that she was writing a book because they had told her no one had been so interested in the vampire books in years.

    It was either a legend or a truth, but Penny stumbled upon the only words that had given her hope ever since her tall dark and handsome stranger, who she had only meant to kiss, by the way, not neck, had changed her being. There is only one source of restoration to human life in existence. The pure serum of a full blooded polar bear.

    Penny strapped on her Manolo Blahnik Boots and booked a flight. Not only was she going to cure herself, she was going to put up residency. With the polar bear population winding down she knew they needed her protection. Whether she had to become a congresswoman or a wildlife activist, one thing she knew for certain; polar bears weren’t a species that the earth could afford to lose.

    ReplyDelete